Sparks Matter

CPR is a well-known acronym for Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation.  And most of us from my generation learned it in Health Class.  Anyone remember that?  Thankfully, I have not had to apply it, though I did the Heimlich on my daughter twice. One time she was turning blue! Fortunately, I went 2 for 2! Praise God!  

Since I have not used CPR on a real human being and have not practiced it in 40 years, I may be rusty. I experienced enough medical shows to have seen it over and over, but I should probably brush up on it. Best case – I should learn it again.

CPR saves lives. No question.

And it saves marriages, too. No question.

Early on in our marriage, my wife came up with a concept to help our marriage thrive. She calls it CPR. And it works in a very different, yet no less effective way. CPR for marriage stands for Compromise, Pursuit, and Respect.  Be deliberate and effective with each of these, and you’ll be a long way toward and long and immensely fulfilling marriage.

Most of us married people practiced CPR before we put that ring on.  We put our best selves out there – we compromised, we pursued, oh did we pursue, and we respected. We couldn’t get through the dating phase without them. Then dating turned to “I do” and some of us eventually didn’t, not consistently. And not right away, but over time. I believe pursuit takes the biggest hit.

Pursuit takes effort. It takes intention. Sometimes it takes faking it – but that only works if respect is present. We know it matters, but we don’t feel it anymore. That’s where Zig Ziglar’s wisdom comes in. Sometimes you have to act your way into feeling. And that works.

Pursuit – you define it. A couple should probably define it together. It’s different for everybody. You might check out Gary Chapman’s, 1982 classic, The Five Love Languages to find out how you feel most loved and how your spouse does.

You might consider building a mutual list – each writes the 10 things their spouse does that makes them feel loved. And another 5 you’d like them to do more or add. Talk about an open book test. You have the answers now! Let the chase begin.

A marriage without pursuit is like a birthday cake without candles. No candles; no fire.

And what’s a marriage without some fire?